When people say, “You look so young in that pastel pink outfit,” they typically think they’re complimenting the other person without even realising, sadly, that their statement stems from a deep-seated intrinsic ageism.
If they said that to me, I’d most probably scream aloud but within myself, with the same sadness—For heaven’s sake, ageism is akin to racism!
Isn’t age shaming also the same as body shaming?! Or am I thinking too much?
People are a little disappointed and confused when I smile neutrally and say nothing, trying to quickly pass through the moment. They also wonder why their comment didn’t make me happy. I can’t possibly fake happiness, can I?
And as a woman, I regret and a discretely ashamed also to observe ageism, especially against women is more prevalent among women and largely sprouts from their preconceived, closed mindsets. And that’s the irony of it all.
I know I might sound weird, but can we run away from such awkward facts and situations? Even while it might sound a little clichéd, I wouldn’t have objected to a general remark like “Suits you,” “Looks nice on you,” or even “You look good.”
Is it inappropriate to appear my age or a little older? I wonder why ‘looking young’ has been so disproportionately hyped up. How old, how young, all seem so meaningless in the end, don’t they?
“How long have you been breathing on earth?” Would it be a better question? Then again, opinions vary. Even those known to me for long may not align with my thoughts here, but it’s perfectly fine. I’m known to be damn good at agreeing to disagree. Each has his/her own.
Unfortunately, it is common for innately, ignorantly shallow or stubbornly aggressively ignorant people to think and act in ways that are racist or ageist or a blend of both.
We have no choice but only to try harder to create some awareness, consistently, regularly, at every opportunity. Collective efforts could possibly bring about some results, but only over a long time, they say, hopefully.
I can understand not everyone is able to think past the surface or the skin when they blatantly without the slightest inhibition compare, “He is fairer than you.”
A babysitting grandma, one of my good long-time friends who frequently flies over to the USA, says, “My grandson’s nanny is Eva, white.” When I spontaneously asked her, “Is her surname White?” but she roared with laughter.
“Oh no, I just can’t believe how naïve you can be, Jay! She is a Caucasian.”
What?!
Does a nanny’s name have to be suffixed/prefixed with a ‘white’? Does it even matter what ethnicity she belonged to? If the topic of ethnicity was the context of the conversation, it is completely different from what I’m talking. But while giving the nanny’s name? Is it needed? Serious?
Wisdom, we all know, need not necessarily match one’s age. Many might not even be aware of nature’s plans or calculations. They either don’t understand the functions of melanin or why it is more on the skin of people from various geographic locations. Or, knowingly or unknowingly, they might believe that knowledge is only a possession that has nothing to do with application in life. They wouldn’t comprehend the changes that occur in the mind or at intellect level as well as the physiological ageing process. Though they don’t process what they utter, they are perfectly at ease pronouncing phrases like, “Age is only a number!” They simply employ the words, habitually, having heard the utterings frequently in similar circumstances or contexts. That’s all.
The same discriminatory ageism applies when a late-teenage girl claims without realizing it – she was not “old enough” to eat a traditional treat that her middle-aged relative had cooked. It might be more naturally acceptable if she’d stated that her tastes were different because tastes most certainly differ, and all of us know it. The girl fails to remember that her relative also enjoys the so-called modern junk, such as pizza or chat, but avoids them cautiously for her own typical health reasons.
Bus rides are yet another! They exhibit the widest range of human thoughts. Again, most commonly, either pure racism or ageism or a combination of both. Some of the younger generations do not sit next to me, but most of them do with ease. Many of them prefer to stand, I know. What is more interesting to note is how most of the middle-aged folks would invariably avoid sitting next to me. So, I typically get to keep both seats to myself. So, I have absolutely no complaints. During the lengthy, straight express way ride, I settle in comfortably, with my handbag happily transferring from my lap to the next seat.
There was a recent incident in my writing circle. Instead of using the author’s photo for a single column, as mutually agreed, a print cum digital media editor preferred to use some random, unrelated, not even remotely suitable illustration that stretched for three full columns. The feature should be on his book or his writing journey or he as the author, right? But the young subeditor decided not to use the author’s photo immediately after seeing his face on the JPEG file he attached via email. She hadn’t known how he looked till that moment. Since when have glitz and age infiltrated writing and authorship?
No, I have absolutely nothing against natural overlaps of artistic fields, such as an author entering the entertainment business or an actor becoming an author. They seem healthy to me, when they happen organically. What really bothers me, however, is when people bring glamour unnecessarily into the literary world. This has been so common on social media that they have now become the norm, I observe. Bringing such a mindset to intellectual pursuits like book reviews and readership most likely undermining the whole purpose of reading and writing.
On social media, the vast majority of the people are controlled by the Woods, the Holly, or Bolly, dominating the entire social media and the vast majority of users. And recently, by the Korean pop as well.
As most of us are aware, there has been something cringe-worthy that has been increasing significantly on the SM— glamorising a purported book or literary engagement as the main way to desperately attract subscribers, participants, likes, followers and comments. In all these humdrum, reading and reviewing often take a back seat. Fully forgotten, most of the times. Here, people rampantly exhibit their most gaudy attitudes while doing things to reveal their actual mindsets. I’ve been adjusting my perspective when I see it all but as much as possible in a more positive light. I get to laugh a lot, and that’s something good, isn’t it? We deserve to chuckle then and there to add some colour to our lives that often tend to turn gloomy.
I recall an incident that happened couple of years ago. A lady podcaster had organised an Insta live featuring all of the contributors of an anthology. The video was on in every session, but when an author in his middle years was the guest, the podcaster had turned off the video. The author was unaware of it until after the session ended. Later, when he realised it, he went back to her Instagram profile to DM her to ask her about it. She had no appropriate response other than to say, “I thought you wanted it that way, sir.” The author flabbergasted. “What?” Poor guy didn’t ask when or how such a message reached her from him.
The poor man’s young nephew responded, “Uncle, you have to accept some facts whether you like them or not. Everything is connected to glitz in our day and age, we can’t escape it, all thanks to social media.”
The underlying psychology was beyond the author’s comprehension.
“And how are you going to tolerate AI taking the place of writers and creators, controlling the publishing industry?” The young man made an effort to make things more amusing but the uncle, an accomplished author could only answer, “I won’t be around to see it all.”
People often appreciate an elderly person solely for his age and the number of grey hairs on his head, instead of for the wealth of life experiences that have contributed to his gained wisdom. Will they understand they are actually insulting him? In this incident, even that was missing.
Take note, folks, age shaming is worse than body shaming, and it’s getting worse everywhere, at every corner.
How do we explain some dudes using the photos they took of themselves during their teen years on their identification card? I can understand when they use it for their personal DP in an attempt to appear younger to the outside world, especially to the SM. It is still acceptable because it is a personal preference. But, on an ID? Are you serious, dudes? And at fifty to fifty-nine years of age? Why?
I know at least two, my former colleague and another associate, one guy and a lady, who do this till today. In the recent decades, I’ve become damn cautious of such awkward moments, to carefully, consciously avoid asking them my otherwise spontaneous questions like, “Is that your daughter/son?”
